Radio spots for Peter Young
Does your copy have that bloated feeling? Is it boring? Lifeless? Is it a bowl of cornflakes when you want drinks and dancing? Could it use a dash, a dose, a drink of something new? Well, look no further than Peter Young!
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Below are three, 30-second radio ads I was asked to make as part of my candidacy for a writing gig . Titled Dose, Dash, and Drink, they're fun and tongue-in-cheek, and they successfully helped land the job. Get some today!
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— Dose —
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SFX: Door closes.
PATIENT: Well, Doc, what’s the verdict?
DOCTOR: X-rays are fine, EKG looks good, blood pressure is normal. I have no idea what’s wrong with you.
PATIENT: I had a feeling you’d say that. I just…I have no idea..I…I can’t…
DOCTOR: You can tell me. I’m your doctor.
PATIENT: I wish I could, Doc, but…but…I just…I don’t have the…I don’t have the words.
DOCTOR: Oh, I see. Words. Is that your problem?
PATIENT: Well, I…
DOCTOR: Ah, I’ve seen this before. Fortunately, I have just what you need. Have you ever had a dose of Peter Young?
PATIENT: I don’t think so. What’s that?
DOCTOR: Peter Young is a writer and linguist extraordinaire. He’s a bootlegger of the bon mot and a strategist of the sentence. Around here, we simply refer to him as The Pen.
PATIENT: Wow.
DOCTOR: “Wow”? (chuckles) I think you mean “marvelous.”
PATIENT: Tell me…uh…uh…
DOCTOR: More? Peter Young has been writing professionally since Bill Clinton was in office. He’s scripted for stage and screen, published a short story and theatrical piece. He’s written commercials, print ads, industrials, marketing blogs– you name it. Right now he’s got a novel simmering in a metaphorical drawer somewhere while he pens a screenplay set in Russia.
PATIENT: Www…wow…ee!
DOCTOR: Oh dear. You’re getting worse. We need to get some Peter Young in you right away. Nurse!
ANNCR: Experiencing trouble with your words? Does your lifeless, forgettable copy feel old as soon as you write it? Ask your doctor if Peter Young is right for you. May cause glee and amusement, might exceed target ad length. Use only as prescribed.
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— Dash —
SFX: Busy restaurant kitchen.
WAITER: Pasta primavera, coming back!
CHEF: Qu’est-ce que c'est? Another dish sent back? What is the meaning of this?
WAITER: Customers are tired of it. They say all your dishes are old and cold. Lifeless. Flat.
CHEF: Mon dieu! They are fools! Don’t they know who I am?
WAITER: May I suggest a dash of Peter Young?
CHEF: What is this…Peter Young? I am to add a dash of a…man?
WAITER: You’ve got to broaden your mind, sir. Everyone is leaving. It’s time to try something new and different.
CHEF: But my reputation!
WAITER: Look, Peter Young is a published author that has been writing in one form or another for over 25 years. He has a keen ability to see things differently than everyone else, to turn a problem inside out with his mind and his words. Just ask Pete about the play he wrote and produced– minds were blown! He’s conceptual, bold, eccentric…
CHEF: Eccentric? I like.
WAITER: He knows how to massage a phrase, how to delicately carve a sentence in such a way that fills the reader up, but leaves them wanting more.
CHEF: He’s not humorous, is he?
WAITER: No, um, not at all.
CHEF: Tres bien. You know there is no room for humor in my kitchen. We are serious!
WAITER: Let’s put a dash of Peter Young on this chicken Kiev and see what happens.
ANNCR: If your main course is a little dry and flavorless, then it’s time you tried a dash of Peter Young. Keep some in the kitchen or on the dinner table. And now there’s even a travel size Peter Young, so you’re never without a little linguistic zest. Get yours today!
CHEF: Mmm…Peter Young est magnifique!
-- Drink --
SFX: A somewhat CROWDED bar with bland MUSIC playing.
BARTENDER: Hey ladies! What can I get you, the usual?
JILL: Yeah.
KATE: Yes.
BARTENDER: Coming right up.
JILL: Kate, what are we doing here? Every weekend, the same place, the same drinks…
KATE: Same scenery. Ugh.
JILL: No doubt. We need to mix it up.
KATE: What do you suggest, Jill? We’ve tried new bars. New clubs. New friends. Nothing seems to do the trick.
JILL: We’re running out of ideas.
BARTENDER: Here you are ladies: one whiskey sour and one Merlot. I couldn’t help but hear you. It sounds like you’re looking for something new and different?
JILL: We’d love that.
BARTENDER: May I suggest a new drink we have? It’s called a Peter Young.
KATE: What? Peter Young. That’s…interesting…?
BARTENDER: It’s the sexy new drink taking over Austin. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.
JILL: A drink? C’mon…
KATE: What’s in it?
SFX: Bartender MIXING drinks as he speaks.
BARTENDER: Two parts imagination, one part experience, add some clarity and focus, a penchant for wordsmithing and ingenuity, pour it over some active language and descriptive storytelling, mix in a little editing and you’ve got one heck of a cocktail! Here you go, give it a try.
KATE: Mmmmm…OMG! That is amazing! Mmmm…
BARTENDER: Peter Young is more than just a libation. He’s directed live cameras at events, produced a/v modules, infomercials, worked in graphic design, voiced commercials and events, performed as an actor in plays and films, and he even studied improv and writing at The Groundlings in Los Angeles.
JILL: Yes! I can taste the Groundlings!
BARTENDER: Tell your friends! Peter Young: the new delicious emulsion that is coming soon to a pub near you. And don’t be shy about asking for a little extra punch! Peter Young is happy to bring it!
KATE: This night just got a whole lot better -- Peter Young better!